Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Parents Your Gay

Here at TopTensBlog we don’t discriminate, we want to help.  We understand that coming out of the closet to a parent could be a difficult task.  Which is why we compiled 10 easy steps to show your parents that your gayer than Adam Lambert.  Its a gradual process, take time and enjoy yourself.  If you do it right, you won’t even have to tell them, they will already know.

10.   Gay up your Room –  To start you should gay up your room a bit, and nothing is gayer than posters of young male pop stars.  Try a nice Jessee McCartney poster above your bed.  Now be sure to get “caught” staring at your new poster while singing his latest single.  Note: Combining this method with full choreography can really make or break this first step.

9.  Collages- … Need I say anymore.  Collages are now a part of your daily routine.  Take pictures of you and your male “friends” and start collaging away.  Make sure to include your parents in your new hobby.

8.  Change your Diet-  Constantly Eat cucumbers and popsicles.  Don’t slice the cucumber, just jam it straight in your mouth.  If they say, “Why are you eating it like that”.  You simply reply, “I like jamming cucumbers in my mouth”.  The more simple the explanation the better.

7.  What to Watch-  Watch Figure skating with your parents.  Now its important to talk about the males skaters physique and how much poise he possesses, complain that you wish you had his poise.  Now this last step is important, show them you have poise, act out the skaters performance, flailing your arms in the air and sensually moving your body to the music.    Now consult with your parents, “Do I too have poise”.

6.  Wallet?-   Go get your wallet and throw that hetero piece of crap in the trash.  Why?  Because you don’t use a wallet anymore.  Why would you use a wallet when you own a  designer man bag for gods sake.  You need to make sure your man bag isn’t confused with other “metrosexual” handbags, your bag should be oozing homosexuality.  Pastels are your ideal color choice,  and don’t forget to use your bedazzler (see step 4.)

5.   Wardrobe- Nothing can gay you up quicker than a wardrobe change, get rid of those old loose fitting jeans and step in to your new pair of nut huggers.  Were going for a real tight fit here, when you put these on they should shoot your nuts straight up your asshole.  There ya go, a second benefit of tight jeans.  I recommend a friend holding them out at an arm lengths distance.  Now climb on top an elevated object( i.e. a step ladder) and jump your way straight into a gayer lifestyle. NOTE: Don’t waste your money on expensive jeans, its fairly likely that you will have to cut them off, price is not important, only fit.

4.  Bedazzle- Don’t be afraid to bedazzle.  A bedazzler machine is one of the finest and gayest tools on the market.  You should’t ask, “should I bedazzle”, rather, “what else CAN i bedazzle”.

3.  Vocabulary Change-  Ditch that old ungay vocabulary.  You have a new fantastic gay vocabulary to learn.  Try using words like icky and yucky.  And if you see a spider just scream in your new high pitched tone of voice.  Tell them how itcky that spider is and you would simply die if it touched you.

2.  Extra Curricular Activities?-  Join the wrestling team.  Your going to need this as an alibi to this next step.  Constantly wrestling with your friends in front of your parents.  This is not only great exercise but it really can send a message.  Your parents might say, “why are your shirts off”, or “why were you both covered in european oils”.  Now you can use your alibi, “because it helps us train for wrestling”.  You see how this quickly becomes a moot point.   Note: Make sure to quit wrestling team before coming out, this avoids a severe ass kicking.

1.  Cartwheels-   Cartwheels-  need I say anymore?  Sometimes people forget just how gay cartwheels are.  For instance, compare a cartwheel to the more heterosexual somersault.  It’s really a no contest winner.  Every time you get excited go ahead and let one fly.  Don’t forget to clap your hands in excitement after completing one,  after all, you just perfectly executed a fantastic cartwheel.

If you followed all of these steps, when you tell your parents your gay, they should simply reply, “yes we know”.  Problem solved.  I’m proud of you, you have completed one of life’s more difficult tasks.

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